So, many people have said that I have this "charm." They say I get what I want, when I want it. They say that I just have too much knowledge for my own good. I know too much information and I never apply it correctly.
The truth is, this "charm" is running low...very low. What happens to me, mentally, when I no longer have this "charm?" I am currently lost. I can be sitting in a room with you having full on conversation yet my mind is absent. I feel like I am two people in one body. To be completely honest I am scared to death. Is this normal? Is this something everyone goes through? Is this a phase? What is going on?!?
I am a christian and I know that God is right there with me all the time. But I just feel like he is so hard to reach right now. I feel as if I am stretching out my arms wider than the universe and I still can't reach him. I know that he knows that I am reaching for him and that I just want to be in that place with him, yet I feel as if he does not.
Everything thing that I do all day everyday is the same routine yet it feels as if I am not doing it. That my body is preforming these daily tasks but my mind is lost somewhere out there. I do not even know where it is. I have no thoughts, it feels as if I am in a void within my own mind. As I sit here and type this is one of my few moments where it feels like I am one person again. But this leaves me completely lost and confused.
Me as Naomi still has a will power to do well with everything that I do and to do it to the best of my ability. But this thing makes me want to not do it. Never in my life would I give up music or get sick of it. Yet now a part of me is just completely done with it. This thing just wants to sit on it's bum and do nothing all day, think nothing all day, to be nothing and I have no control(at least that is how it feels).
Prayer. Just pray, because I do not know.
" How nice it must be to have the Naomi "charm" right? Well how bout when you think you make it to the end of the bridge and it's all falling apart around you and when you notice it might be too late?"
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