A Rant

This whole band thing that I do. Sometimes I do not know why I even signed up for it. I just have those days where I think quitting would have been a better idea then pushing through. I love what I do so much that I hate it. Is it wrong do demand perfection from yourself? I feel as if I am pushing myself twenty times harder then the previous day because it just is not good enough. I have heard that I am one of the significantly better players in the band, but every time I make a mistake I feel like I am the worst. Is it bad to push myself that much?

What I really love is when I tell my friends where I plan on going to college and they reply with "well, you know___ did not even make it into ____" it just boosts my self esteem by twenty, not. I feel as if I am ready for this audition though i know that my playing abilities are no where near where they should be to even be considered. Is there a way to make everyone understand that I understand how hard these auditions are, and I know the level of competition. But I am willing to spend every chance I get to prepare for that moment when it is just me and I show them everything that I have worked for and why they should accept me.

If you did not know already I plan on going to West Virgina University to get a performance masters on trumpet and minor in music composition. I have spent a great amount of time researching this out of state university and I highly understand the prices of physical money I will need to pay. But why do people still find the need to say, "do you have any idea how much out of state costs?" my response is, "YES! yes I do!" but apparently that statement is not clear enough. This is a very random rant, not even a rant. This blog is completely pointless though. Goodnight world.

Blog

Well I was going to write a new blog tonight but I obviously have not. I was halfway done writing it then decided that it was stupid and contradicting it's self so I got rid of it. Do not worry about it, nothing special.
But right now I am listening to some music and I can not help but wonder what people were on when they wrote some of this music. Never mind what I was on downloading it and enjoying it. Because music has such an influence on people, more so on the person who is listening to it rather the one who wrote it.
I am currently listening to "DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love" by Usher. It is a good song from the out side. Has a nice beat to it, catchy chorus that makes you want to sing it over and over again. But that is the problem. The chorus:
"cause baby tonight, dj's got us fallin in love again, so dance dance, like it's the last last night of your life life, gonna get you right, cause baby tonight dj's got us fallin in love again"
That is a decent chorus with no harm intended, it could be meant for numerous things. It is the actual lyrics that are the problem:
"hands up when the music drops, we both put our hands up, put your hands on my body, swear i've seen you before"
In my opinion it is pretty self explanatory what is wrong with that. I do not think that us, as a people, understand what we are putting into ourselves. I am obviously one of those people because I am listening to it. I just think that we all need to take a second look at what we listen to. If anything even out your secular music to christian music. There needs to be more God on our iPods, Zunes ect.
You reap what you sew, so be careful what you put into yourself because at some point eventually it will come right back out with out you even noticing. Just a thought for the night, try sleeping on it.

The Story of a Girl

This will be the name for my new album I'm going to be writing, it's my new project. I realize this leaves many of you very confused. As does every other teenager girl, I as well write songs. This is a new project that I have started already that I think is the right thing to do, and it'll be loads of fun.

Right now I can feel God trying to tell me something. This has been an indescribable past six months where God has completely turned my life around and it's time for me to move forward. I have been thrown off course following what I thought was the right course. Of course I was wrong. But the past month God has really been trying to tell me something. It's not that I'm ignoring him or avoiding him, It's just that I can't get it. I feel as if what ever he is trying to tell me is right in front of my face and I am just too blind to see it.

This which brings me to my new project here. The shorter story is, my heart not right with God resulted in me loosing my musical abilities. Get right with God and it comes back. Ok, we're on the same page right? Good, time to move on. This being said, i had written a chorus to a song right before I decided that I wasn't going to be friends with God anymore. That resulted in nothing, I had this spiffy chorus and no song, just great. Well this past week I really got in check with him and it has been just mind blowing, ironically I am suddenly able to finish that song. I built a song around that chorus and it is the only song I have finished writing.

Now realizing that I have my creative juices and musicality back I am able to finish songs again. I'm not sure where God wants me to go in life at all. As of now I am just living with no direction as to what to do with life, what college to go to etc. Well I have just recently(well like an hour ago) got an idea to write this album about this girl's life. This isn't a story about me, any of my friends or anyone in particular that I know, it's just about a girl. It is going to be the same concept as Flyleaf's Momento Mori. In their album it's throughout the course of a war and every song is a letter from the general. Well in my album it'll be the girl's life and events of her life. I know many artist write songs about people's lives from birth till death, but mine will be an album. The story will start from her birth and end with her death. Cover he childhood, her teens, her adult life and herself as an elder. It'll really focus on the struggles of her life, growing up mom a christian and father a drunk. Being a christian and being in high school. The death of close family. In the end it will result it will be a testimony of her walk with God.

This is extremely random for me to do such a project. One with such a movement and a focus and such a story. But like I said, I don't know what God is trying to tell me to do. But the fact that I have this picture of this album at the same time that I am begging God to show me what I am to do might be my answer. I honestly still do not know. But I will write this album, not knowing how long it will be or how long it will take, never mind me really having to learn to play guitar. I will leave this up to God and have him work through me. Cause if anyone knows me they know I don't just come up so randomly with an idea as such. I am feeling it's my answer but I can not be sure this early, I will continue to pray and move on with this project.

The Naomi "Charm"

So, many people have said that I have this "charm." They say I get what I want, when I want it. They say that I just have too much knowledge for my own good. I know too much information and I never apply it correctly.

The truth is, this "charm" is running low...very low. What happens to me, mentally, when I no longer have this "charm?" I am currently lost. I can be sitting in a room with you having full on conversation yet my mind is absent. I feel like I am two people in one body. To be completely honest I am scared to death. Is this normal? Is this something everyone goes through? Is this a phase? What is going on?!?

I am a christian and I know that God is right there with me all the time. But I just feel like he is so hard to reach right now. I feel as if I am stretching out my arms wider than the universe and I still can't reach him. I know that he knows that I am reaching for him and that I just want to be in that place with him, yet I feel as if he does not.

Everything thing that I do all day everyday is the same routine yet it feels as if I am not doing it. That my body is preforming these daily tasks but my mind is lost somewhere out there. I do not even know where it is. I have no thoughts, it feels as if I am in a void within my own mind. As I sit here and type this is one of my few moments where it feels like I am one person again. But this leaves me completely lost and confused.

Me as Naomi still has a will power to do well with everything that I do and to do it to the best of my ability. But this thing makes me want to not do it. Never in my life would I give up music or get sick of it. Yet now a part of me is just completely done with it. This thing just wants to sit on it's bum and do nothing all day, think nothing all day, to be nothing and I have no control(at least that is how it feels).

Prayer. Just pray, because I do not know.

" How nice it must be to have the Naomi "charm" right? Well how bout when you think you make it to the end of the bridge and it's all falling apart around you and when you notice it might be too late?"

A Tree

I am a tree
with branches long and wide
Some of my branches are healthy
blooming with fruits and flowers
Some of my branches are dead
holding the things of my past
My body is a trunk
every year I have gained a new ring of maturity
My feet are my roots
my foundation from my youth keeps me wise and strong
Like a tree I have learned to defy gravity
my spirit rushes up my body to my father
it does not sink into the ground like waste
I have made friends that will be my fertilizer
pesticides may try but they have nothing on me
~thank you miss jones for sharing this picture of me that you see~

Love

I’m a normal kid living a silent life. No one knows my name.

Sixteen years of age born in 93’. My birth date is unknown.

I am a sophomore in high school and I maintain a 4.3GPA. No one knows who I am.

I am also in the academic top 20. No one knows I exist.

I am one of the best musicians in the county. No one knows my name.

I take advanced placement classes and fly through the class. No one knows my name.

I am in charge of 3/8 of the school. No one knows who I am.

The lunch lady knows my name. The administration knows me as a number.

My name means trustworthy in Hebrew. People stray from me because I am “socially awkward.”

My name is on the school television quite often. When people in my class see my name they stop and ask, “who is that?”

This is my second year living like this. Only my best friends know me.

High school wasn’t told to be like this. My only friends are band kids, if that.

I have made history in the band halls. I have people walking in my footsteps dying to be just like me. Why do I not have a name?

What is a name if no one knows who you are?

There was this one point in my life where these two wonderful young ladies(at different times) told me that I was loved. I honestly did not want to take them seriously. But they continued and as they did they told me I am not just loved by people but I am loved by God. At that moment I had realized that I am not just a number, I am not unknown, and that someone loves me.

I am Naomi Ann Miyazato.

I wasn’t put here to be a lost soul. I was made to make and alter history.

I am Naomi Ann Miyazato.

Someone does know my name. Someone that is greater than all others loves me.

I am Naomi Ann Miyazato.

God has a purpose and a plan for our lives. He loves us more than anyone else could and wants us to know that we aren’t just numbers or lost souls. We are his children and we are loved by a father that loves us more than anything else.

The fact that no one seems to know my name doesn’t cross my mind anymore. The fact that God knows my name, and that he chose my name special to whom he made me, is enough for me.

Everyone has a name for themselves even if it is such a common name such as Smith. And everyone is known for who they are and what they have done.

I just have one question…

Why do we have to worry about such things as having a name for ourselves? Why are people so put down that they have to question their own existence? Something needs to be done about this. Too many teenagers are going through high school wearing a mask so complex they can not take off. Love is a four letter word with one of the strongest definitions in the English language. Why do we overlook and over use this word? There needs to be more God in our schools. Maybe if we can lend out a hand and help someone take their mask off more people will realize what love really is.

“For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” –Jeremiah 29:11